OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
