Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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