I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
now i know why i became what i already was.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
