If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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