Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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