I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
