o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
