Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
