Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
