I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
