His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
