she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
