I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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