he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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