I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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