I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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