I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
