I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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