textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
