apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
