I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
