i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
