You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
