I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
