I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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