she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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