Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
