I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
