I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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