OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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