she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
