She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
