I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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