you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
