apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
