My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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