he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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