Duck Duck Cougar?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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