Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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