did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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