I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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