All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
