Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
