he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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