Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
