So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
