fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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