Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
