Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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