I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
