wanna go halves on a baby?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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