my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
